I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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