there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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