This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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