How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
