my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
