Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
