Walk of Shame. In a state park.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fill condoms, not promises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
