sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
