Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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