Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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