Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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