sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You pole danced in your parka.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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