apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
