Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
