if you like me you must not know who I am
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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