I think my fart just growled at me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
