i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
