dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
