Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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