I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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