I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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