i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
