Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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