you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
