I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
