Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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