oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
