I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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