Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
