dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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