we're blogging at a bar
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
