it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
