Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
