Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
