i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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