Small penises have feelings too.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
