I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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