is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
