a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
