So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
