I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
