You can't special order awesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
