so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
