I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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