so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
