This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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