why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
