In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
