rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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