is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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