Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My ATM looks so different sober.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
